Surrendering

I pulled into Flagstaff just before 6pm Sunday night, heading straight to the Olivia White Hospice Home where Cece is staying. She just completed a nice visit with Sue and Bob Lopez, whom she collaborated with on “My Sweet Girl“.  She surprisingly had plenty of energy left after such a busy weekend, and we visited for about an hour. As much as I am comforted by the amazing support group that Cece and Tess have in Flagstaff (thank you Sybil and Kevin and all of Tess’s great friends), it is hard to be so far away from her. We had a great conversation, and I am clear that I came at the right time.

Cece and I talked about whether it still mattered to her to try to make it to June 5th for Tess’s graduation. It doesn’t. She is ready to go, although we weren’t so sure that her body is ready to follow.  This morning she conferred with her nurse, and they made some adjustments to her medications based on her new choice. I spent the day with her, including reviewing some old family photos. Her memory for people is still amazing. Tess’s uncle Kevin and I went to the house and brought back her “meditation chair”, so that she could be more comfortable in her room.

By late afternoon, she tired and took a nap. I ran out, grabbed some lunch and came back to find her still asleep. When she awoke, she was not the same person I had been with earlier in the day. She was moving in slow motion, and the decline continued through the evening. While I can’t speak for them, I think Sybil and Tess were both shocked by the difference from the day before.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Cece may have weeks left, days, or only hours. The sudden decline could be related to the change in her meds, but I think she has simply surrendered to the universe. Peace.