I’m not fighting cancer anymore!

I’m no fan of Cancer. Cancer has taken an extraordinary toll on my family. I lost my mother (Shirley) and my brother (Harlan) to lung cancer. Harlan was only 44 when he passed. My sister Cece was diagnosed with lung cancer about 4.5 years ago. Cece has been fighting hard to stick around to see her daughter Tess graduate from high school this summer, but recently began receiving respite care from hospice. Cece’s husband Steve, Tess’s father, passed from esophageal cancer about 3.5 years ago. Two years ago we lost my cousin, Robert, and my wife’s best friend, Jackie. This is a partial list, the other relatives, friends and business associates I’ve lost are too numerous to mention.  I also have a long list of people who’ve survived cancer. However, in my experience, cancer represents a death certificate, with only the date left unfilled.

All of this cancer in my life propelled me to take action, to do something to make a difference. In 2002, my family participated in a Relay for Life for the first time. I fell in love with the Luminaria Ceremony. I was unprepared for how it moved me, seeing all of the bags lit up around the track, and listening to the dedications read over the PA system. I became a fan of Relay, initially because I wanted everyone to experience the Luminaria Ceremony. When our local Relay stumbled two years later, I declared that it wouldn’t go that way again. I placed a fateful call to the American Cancer Society‘s Phoenix office, and unwittingly bought myself a 4 year stint as Event Chair of the Relay for Life of Central Phoenix. As Event Chair, ACS offered me an exceptional level of training, and I came to learn that my goals and commitments were very much in line with theirs. Even more importantly, I became aware that I was part of a larger community of people who shared my passion to make a difference in the lives of those touched by this disease. There were times when I felt that my contribution was insignificant, that I really didn’t make a difference, until I became clear that Relay was much bigger than me. Every little bit adds up to a larger whole. This year Relay is celebrating its 25th Anniversary. Communities around the world come together to generate their own Relays and make a difference in the fight against cancer.

What you resist, persists. - Carl Jung

For years, I expressed my commitment to fighting cancer with this phrase: “I am commited to a world where our friends and family don’t suffer from cancer.” This worked pretty well for me, but I had a nagging concern. You see, I believe that whatever it is I focus on, I bring into my life. Whether you call that the “Law of Attraction” from The Secret, or refer back as I do to “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill, it is all the same to me. I began to wonder what I was attracting to my life in my efforts to fight cancer and make a difference. Even with that concern, I wasn’t able to find an alternative expression of my commitment that felt right to me. Now though, as Cece runs out of treatment options and her condition deteriorates, I am clear that fighting cancer no longer works for me. I will no longer resist cancer. Cancer will do what it does. My commitment now is to honor all those touched by cancer.

Context is decisive.

The context of “a world where our friends and family don’t suffer from cancer” presences suffering. “Honoring all those touched by cancer” presences honor. For me, this is a fundamental shift in context. The actions I take may not change at all. There is simply no room for suffering. However long Cece has left, I will spend in the presence of honor, rather than suffering. It also gives me the freedom to honor myself, and any emotions that I experience along the way. As I think about it, bringing honor to any conversation ought to make a difference.

This doesn’t mean I’ve stopped fighting to make a difference. This new commitment is still fully in line with Relay for Life and the American Cancer Society. Relay’s theme is “Celebrate. Remember. Fight Back.” This year I am Sponsorship Chair of our Relay, and the Team Captain of the Tough Cookies, dedicated to honoring Cece. I invite you to visit my Relay Page and make a donation, or dedicate a luminaria.  Better yet, if you live in Phoenix, join a team or form your own to honor your loved ones who’ve been touched by cancer.

With regard to fighting back, I am completely up for fighting with politicians who try to cut budgets for cancer screenings, or who want to limit research. Stupid policies do not honor those who have been touched by cancer. That’s why I belong to ACS CAN, the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network, which represents the Fight Back component of the Relay theme. ACS Can has been instrumental in passing clean indoor air legislation around the country.

Looking at what I’ve just written, I may need to re-evaluate my context for politician. But for now, I’m just fine with it.

Thank you,

Ted

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